“You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.” –Brene Brown”
I miss seeing some of my friends down at the gym. There are so many reasons to quit that I would understand – financial (hey, its expensive), or life got too crazy (life does that sometimes) , or I fell in love with Zumba (whatever rocks your boat), or I’m taking a break right now (that can be a healthy thing too). But the conversation that I keep having over and over again with different people is that they quit coming because “I’m too embarrassed to come back, I’ve gained weight.” Well my friends, put your big girl panties on and deal with it. Put a smile on your face, own it, implement a u-turn and get your ass back to the gym.
I get it. Truly I do. We won’t talk about how much weight I’ve lost and regained over the past three years. I will always be overweight until I get my eating issues under control and when under a lot of stress I tend to revert to my old eating patterns. Finding balance is a struggle and one that I’m working on. But here’s what I do know – right now, I weigh exactly the same as when I started Crossfit about 2.5 years ago.
The picture on the right was taken about the time I started Crossfit (post 8 months of physical therapy) and the picture on the left is now. I’m not sure if I look all that different in the two pictures, but I know that physically I am much stronger.
I suppose I could focus on the pounds I’ve regained (and I sometimes do), or that I’ve lost the ability to do a pull-up (OK, that one really annoys me), and how much running after you’ve regained weight just bites. Backtracking is an exercise in eating humble pie. Life happened and I did the best I could with the coping mechanisms I had and now I’m moving on and refocus.
I can focus on the 300 pound deadlift versus the 75 pounds that I started at, or my sub 8 minute 2k erg row which was would have been an exercise of torture when I started and would have taken nearly two minutes longer, or the stability gains from overhead squating with a PVC pipe to putting 100 pounds overhead and squatting down, or the joy of finally snatching 103 pounds after trying for so long. Focusing on the negative doesn’t do anybody any good. I will just continue to enjoy going and hanging out with my friends at the gym. I will do the best I can do on any given day – some days that means lifting more or less and some days that means weighing more and less. Either way – I know I’ll be greeted at the door with a hug from my Coaches and friends. Only now, more than a couple of my friends are missing for no good reason and that pisses me off as much as no longer being able to do a pull-up.