Calling Yourself on The Lies You Tell Yourself

I’ve been struggling.

Fact: I’ve got a plate and 8 pins and my leg is considered to be 12% permanently disabled according to the doctors.

Fact: I went on a food tear while on vacation that resulted in a 20 lb weight fluctuation.

Fact: My leg has been bothering me way more than usual.

Possible Fiction: Something is wrong with my leg.

I believe it enough to have made a doctor’s appointment to have it checked out, but I’m almost equally convinced that I need to call myself on my own bullshit and just deal. I didn’t take great care of myself for 3 weeks (okay, I took really poor care of myself for 3 weeks) and came back imbalanced, inflamed, and out of shape and I’m just too old to recover from treating myself so poorly all that well.

Pain can play tricks on the mind. Pain says “something is wrong, you are doing damage, stop, this doesn’t feel right, stop.” Pain starts the freak out spiral.

I PR’d on both the 1,000 m row (3:58) and the 500 m row (1:48) on Monday and Tuesday. Today was the other crossfit total. Clean of 100 lbs, bench press of 95 lbs., and an overhead squat of 90 lbs. 30 lb PR on the overhead squat. I’m pretty sure that none of those things are do-able if there really was something wrong with my knee. But I scared myself enough to go to the doctor’s anyway.

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