A new digit – the 160’s instead of the 170’s. Gasp – 10 pounds away from a normal BMI. I don’t think I’ve had a normal BMI since I was a small child. Last time I had a new digit was the middle of June. I lose weight in these weird little plateaus and drops. Pretty sure its just my body saying, “Fine, whatever, have it your way, but this is it, no further!” And then it drags its feet and holds the line until it says, “Fine, whatever, have it your way…” It was a drop week which also means it is an elephant skin weekend. Not chicken skin, but elephant skin.
Elephant skin comes and goes and it doesn’t really bother me, but it is definitely weird looking. I absolutely delighted in finding Julia Kozerski’s website on Friday. The tab called “Half” has artistic nude works or self portraits of the artist after she lost 160 pounds over the course of the year. Other tabs show her in progress of losing that weight. I totally get it. One tab is called “Changing Room” and shows her trying on clothes during that year. I lost the ability to see myself in the mirror about a year ago. Well, I see myself, but I also recognize that my mental image is distorted. Because our bodies change over time, the brain must constantly adjust its perception but it also does this cool little pattern recognition thing of – oh that’s you in the mirror, I don’t actually need to “see” this. Great for recognizing that lion in the tall grass, horrible for changing your own mental image of yourself. My brain will catch up eventually, but until then, to figure out what I look like, I take pictures. I do not recognize myself in pictures. It is kind of like playing a game of “Where’s Waldo” – oh there she is! My bet is that Julia was doing the same thing. This all sounds weird, but is pretty normal in people who have lost a lot of weight. A friend who had lost a lot of weight once told me that she used to ask her husband as they were walking around if she was bigger or smaller than other people and I thought it was the oddest thing. Until a person in the box commented that something was easier for me since I was smaller than they are. I was
incredulous and rude enough to ask her what she weighed because that wasn’t true and I was going to prove her wrong. Nope. It was the first time I realized that not only could I not see myself in the mirror but I could no longer see comparative sizes. I don’t care about comparisons between people and think its pretty silly (compare yourself to the person you were yesterday, a month ago, a year ago), but its not in my skill set right now anyways.
|Two of my Cousins and I a few months before the accident
I can see the difference in photos before the accident and after. In the first picture of the Maui Half Marathon, I’d already lost 56 pounds between pictures. The difference between 1st and second half marathon pictures is about another 63 lbs. That is not so obvious to me although I can see it my stomach and chest and I’m much more tan.
Some other stuff I loved this weekend:
This blew my mind!